Memoirs of a Life Living

The path to retirement proceeds in stages. First the pros and cons. The supply of money and the cost of living now and in the future. Then the loss of interest in what I was doing. Would I spend the rest of my life rehearsing and replaying the past. Are all adventures of life over for me and is this "ground hog" day all over again. Then the doubts, the sleepless nights, the nightmares of not knowing where I am, feeling lost, going back in time to painful marriage and feeling helpless to external demands by others and circumstance. Finally the intellectual acceptance that all of the rationalizations do not obviate the fact that I don't need more money and the primary purpose of working is gone. Leave it to the children. No, I want it for Kerstin and me. Then I don't like many patients and oh I do like some. Then I think I am helping some people, especially children. Then I give up surgery because of tenosynovitis of thumbs and wrists. Then I realize I am not reading ve...

10/20/18 Copy of e-mail to my daughter on the event of her leaving Plato's Cave: Dearest Child You are becoming a Lack! I say that as a compliment, I think. My grandfather Benjamin is looking down now and seeing you blossom like a flowered bud exposed to spring and basking in the warmtnh of the sun. Yes truths are painful and if we open our hearts, provoke intense emotion. May I ask (suggest) that you read Plato's "The Cave". Sp many other great books of literature to put the present into perspective but two of the greatest are Anna Karenina and A Tale of Two Cities. I am suggesting you read early literature so that you are not only exposed to truyths but to the eternity of suffering. All 3 are also fun to read. If we re going to speak about America we must note that America was founded in racism and bigotry. The early settlers were either criminals or people seeking to escape from religious persecution. Regardless they all wanted to create their own space so the...

9/28/2018 Three weeks in Sweden and so much has happened. We have traveled to Skanor twice, Stockholm twice, Gothenberg, Copenhagen, and Berlin. I have made 2 new friends : Per and Busse whom I like very much and Connie and Mikan who are charming, intelligent, and fun to be with. We bought an apartment in Stockholm. I have thought about retirement and spoken to Busse and retirement seems like the right thing to do. I feel anxious but not as much as before. We should be OK financially.Yesterday was the Kavanough hearings and though I hate to memorialize them in these pages they upset Kerstin and me a lot. I assume he will be confirmed and that will mean a rapist as President and a rapist on the Supreme Court. "A democracy can only exist until the time the voters discover they can vote themselves generous gifts from the public treasury"  Tocqueville, 1835 I go back to Florida with a heavy heart. 4 weeks work in October and 6 1/2 weeks Nov.- December.Anxiety and disgust at ...

9/24/2008 What an incredible 10 days. I have so much to think about. I need to begin with notes I wrote: A butterfly flaps its wings one day in China 2 years later a gentle breeze wafts through Vasastan No one thinks of the butterfly No one appreciates its link to the breeze What next will move in a far away place they will never understand People who speak differently languages say the same thing. They move their hands the same way, they tilt their faces the same way, their syntax is so dissimilar; only the sound of the words and perhaps the position of the verbs change A Jew was marooned on an island. When he was rescued they found he had built 2 temples. Why did you build 2 temples? One I go to. The other i would never set foot in.” The Jews must have someone with whom to argue, even within their own. The reformed, conservative, and orthodox do not see themselves as belonging to one and even in Israel, the gift the Jews have given themselves, the ultra-orthodox can...

As it says in the bible: When you drop something under the table you never know what you will find when you pick it up. Self awareness, like living in the moment, can be exaggerated. A consequence is using all your energy to observe and experience and not participate.  I don't know when I have a balance except that I can reflect (live in the past; recount) and try to sum up what has happened to me. I got to Skanor from Tampa after an exhausting 22 hr trip originating in Tampa to Newark. There the plane was 3 hrs late for departure with its consequent anxiety. Once in Newark I forced my way to be first off the plane and then bee-lined for the bus. The bus was shut down! I then ran for the train but could not find signs with directions so I finally got another traveler to show me the way. Once off I had up to 30 minutes to get to the gate but the security people did a full body search and were very chatty despite my pleas for them to let me hurry. Once at the gates there were perh...

Hej Joe, How great to hear from you. I so appreciate your kindness and be assured I share the same affection toward you. Not seeing you is one of my biggest losses since I left the Academy and Cosmetic Surgery, As I reflect on the several thousand cosmetic surgeons you and I have had the privilege to meet only 4-5 stand out, and you are at the top of the list my brother. I still reflect on the afternoon you and I took a walk in New York and visited MOMA (I think it was MOMA). Your contribution to our careers and more importantly to the fabric of society should not be minimized. Intellectually and spiritually you are a giant and your selfless dedication to teaching is a small example. Well, life has certainly evolved for the better for Kerstin and me. We have a grandchild in Stockholm and have a condo there and a small house in southern Sweden. How great would it be if you ever visited us in Sweden. I promise you would love Scandinavia. I think I will retire end of September from der...

8/972018 Here I sit  and in Stockholm and the life is almost surreal. Me, an anxiety ridden adult the son of a depressed father and anxiety neurotic mother, transfering my life to Sweden at the age of 74. <i am living in Stockholm and Skanor and am in the process of buying a condo in Stockholm. I am participating in raising my grandchild by marriage, Freddie. I am learning the streets of a new city and am learning a new language. This is so far from who I am. God bless my wife Kerstin. I must work at staying centered. I must stay in the moment yet I must reflect on what I am doing so it doesn,t pass me by unconsciously. So  I spent the past 2 days with Kerstin taking care of Freddie. This is hard work and Kerstin is the captain and first officer but I have a lifetime to reemedy in that I was such a poor even inadequate father to my son Justin. I push the carriage holding Freddie up these winding hills and if I feel tired I remember I did not do this for Justin. I rock Fre...