Rerun...Only this time it is different
8/972018
Here I sit and in Stockholm and the life is almost surreal. Me, an anxiety ridden adult the son of a depressed father and anxiety neurotic mother, transfering my life to Sweden at the age of 74. <i am living in Stockholm and Skanor and am in the process of buying a condo in Stockholm. I am participating in raising my grandchild by marriage, Freddie. I am learning the streets of a new city and am learning a new language. This is so far from who I am. God bless my wife Kerstin. I must work at staying centered. I must stay in the moment yet I must reflect on what I am doing so it doesn,t pass me by unconsciously.
So I spent the past 2 days with Kerstin taking care of Freddie. This is hard work and Kerstin is the captain and first officer but I have a lifetime to reemedy in that I was such a poor even inadequate father to my son Justin. I push the carriage holding Freddie up these winding hills and if I feel tired I remember I did not do this for Justin. I rock Freddie to sleep and feed her and I dont remember doing that for Justin.She is beautiful and seems fearless and is happy and expresses her displeasure when she doesnt like what we are doing. She is only 9 months and 3 days old!
She loves to laugh and she has 2 speeds: zero adn one hundered. One of us watches her at all times. She rocks to music : when we sing and when we play online.
We spent the last week in Skanör. We had a special meal at Kenneth,s bistro and more significant we spent one afternoon at the beach and swam in the sosund between the Baltic and the North Sea. The reflection of the sin on the water is breathtaking. The weather has been expecially hot in Sweden and so we have been somewhat uncomfortable.
8/10 So why do adults repeat everything twice wen they speak to infants and maybe children. Do you like it? Do you like it? This is similar to speaking to someone who doesnt speak English and talking louder thinking that will help them understand.
Lession in language: We went to an outdoor snack bar with Freddie and got ice cream and beer. A table was free tho it had one empty beer glass on it. As we organized to dit theere a man came and said it was his table. <he talked for several minutes to <kerstin in Swedish and <i heard him say Titta glasset, so I thought he was insulting her. So I told her he was an asshole loud enough for him to hear me. Problem:I did not understand the rest of his conversation where he repeatedly offered us his table. I must remember to be careful interpreting what <I hear in Swedish.
Today we went to the boardwalk along the water in Kungsholmen which is across the water from Vasastan where we will probably buy a condo. In Hornsbergs Strand we stopped at a pool and Freddie stool and knelt in the water. We had a beer picknick on the way back. This is foreign to me and may explain somewhat my lack of friends and little inclination to spend time with friends. I simply never picknicked or had drinks in bars or did restaurants in groups.
8/16 Returning now I had so much to say I guess I didn't day it. We have returned to Skanor and made it to the beach late afternoon twice. Once I swam and twice Kerstin swam. We were stressed over buying an apartment in Stockholm, Chris temporarily misplaced the keys to the car, we were tired and met Lars and Margareta for dinner, and God knows what. Today we meet the tax lawyer to get answers to our tax situation and best practices regarding buying a condo.On the subject of meaningful presence of life I recall the first night Kerstin and I met. We ahd been writing for about 6 weeks. Kerstin as alsways was very brave. I called her from the hotel lobby (the Radisson in Chicago) and she invited me to meet her in her room. When I approached the room the door was slightly ajar. I knocked and pushed it open and saw no one in the short hall to the room I turned around and Kerstin was behind the door. She was so excited/nervous. We both laughed and embraced and kissed for the first time. She swooned/moaned lightly and to my barely aware conscious self our relationship was launched.
Last post is 8/16 and today is September 4. Am I leading a conscious life.? I am listing chores to get done. I had a successful interview with MCR. Maybe being apart from Kerstin is not good for either of us. I don't feel power or energy coming from living this way. I will have to become more conscious.
Here I sit and in Stockholm and the life is almost surreal. Me, an anxiety ridden adult the son of a depressed father and anxiety neurotic mother, transfering my life to Sweden at the age of 74. <i am living in Stockholm and Skanor and am in the process of buying a condo in Stockholm. I am participating in raising my grandchild by marriage, Freddie. I am learning the streets of a new city and am learning a new language. This is so far from who I am. God bless my wife Kerstin. I must work at staying centered. I must stay in the moment yet I must reflect on what I am doing so it doesn,t pass me by unconsciously.
So I spent the past 2 days with Kerstin taking care of Freddie. This is hard work and Kerstin is the captain and first officer but I have a lifetime to reemedy in that I was such a poor even inadequate father to my son Justin. I push the carriage holding Freddie up these winding hills and if I feel tired I remember I did not do this for Justin. I rock Freddie to sleep and feed her and I dont remember doing that for Justin.She is beautiful and seems fearless and is happy and expresses her displeasure when she doesnt like what we are doing. She is only 9 months and 3 days old!
She loves to laugh and she has 2 speeds: zero adn one hundered. One of us watches her at all times. She rocks to music : when we sing and when we play online.
We spent the last week in Skanör. We had a special meal at Kenneth,s bistro and more significant we spent one afternoon at the beach and swam in the sosund between the Baltic and the North Sea. The reflection of the sin on the water is breathtaking. The weather has been expecially hot in Sweden and so we have been somewhat uncomfortable.
8/10 So why do adults repeat everything twice wen they speak to infants and maybe children. Do you like it? Do you like it? This is similar to speaking to someone who doesnt speak English and talking louder thinking that will help them understand.
Lession in language: We went to an outdoor snack bar with Freddie and got ice cream and beer. A table was free tho it had one empty beer glass on it. As we organized to dit theere a man came and said it was his table. <he talked for several minutes to <kerstin in Swedish and <i heard him say Titta glasset, so I thought he was insulting her. So I told her he was an asshole loud enough for him to hear me. Problem:I did not understand the rest of his conversation where he repeatedly offered us his table. I must remember to be careful interpreting what <I hear in Swedish.
Today we went to the boardwalk along the water in Kungsholmen which is across the water from Vasastan where we will probably buy a condo. In Hornsbergs Strand we stopped at a pool and Freddie stool and knelt in the water. We had a beer picknick on the way back. This is foreign to me and may explain somewhat my lack of friends and little inclination to spend time with friends. I simply never picknicked or had drinks in bars or did restaurants in groups.
8/16 Returning now I had so much to say I guess I didn't day it. We have returned to Skanor and made it to the beach late afternoon twice. Once I swam and twice Kerstin swam. We were stressed over buying an apartment in Stockholm, Chris temporarily misplaced the keys to the car, we were tired and met Lars and Margareta for dinner, and God knows what. Today we meet the tax lawyer to get answers to our tax situation and best practices regarding buying a condo.On the subject of meaningful presence of life I recall the first night Kerstin and I met. We ahd been writing for about 6 weeks. Kerstin as alsways was very brave. I called her from the hotel lobby (the Radisson in Chicago) and she invited me to meet her in her room. When I approached the room the door was slightly ajar. I knocked and pushed it open and saw no one in the short hall to the room I turned around and Kerstin was behind the door. She was so excited/nervous. We both laughed and embraced and kissed for the first time. She swooned/moaned lightly and to my barely aware conscious self our relationship was launched.
Last post is 8/16 and today is September 4. Am I leading a conscious life.? I am listing chores to get done. I had a successful interview with MCR. Maybe being apart from Kerstin is not good for either of us. I don't feel power or energy coming from living this way. I will have to become more conscious.
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