In the Beginning ...

I grew up in a crazy house. Outwardly normal but definitely crazy. With hindsight my mother suffered from anxiety neurosis with significant paranoid ideations characterized by constant or almost constant perceptions of fear. My father was clinically depressed and fearful of confrontation especially with men which is why he attempted to exert dominance over me. I have a sister who was also a victim of parental characterizations but shall not be dealt with in any detail for this story. I perceive of my own fearfulness becoming conscious around the age of 5 though my mother told me I was a clingy child. Whether this was due to her projections of fear which I incorporated or to my own genetic background I do not know. I do have a remembrance of my parents going out and leaving me with my grandmother babysitting and me standing in my crib crying severely. I perceive my mother closing the door and subsequently my grandmother picking me up to comfort me. I was a product of what I would call ordinary people though my father's parents may have been out of the ordinary and I must give credit to all 4 grandparents for venturing across the ocean to a very uncertain life to get to America to escape the pogroms in Russia.